the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
