you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
Randomize