We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
