Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize