She said her name was "party"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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