dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
