Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
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She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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