i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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