guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
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