I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I smell like Dick and happiness
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
