I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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