My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
