1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
