Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
