she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
