I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
