I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
