I wish I only lived at night.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
