All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
North Korea, Best Korea!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Randomize
