Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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