All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
