foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
