she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
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