It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
