I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I can't turn off my feet"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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