in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
