There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
