Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
