you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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