apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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