I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
