I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
