dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
