Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
