Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
