Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dignity is for republicans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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