my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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