At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
