My nipple is on Facebook.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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