is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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