i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
