turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
