I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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