my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
