Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
