Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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