I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Don't make out with my wife yet
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
