from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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