i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
