I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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