Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I will pee on everything he values.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
