peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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