I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
