As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
