I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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