Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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