If that was your dad, he is hot
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
