I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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