well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
