No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
