So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He felt like a one man threesome
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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