Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
