Pants 0. Shit 1.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
