I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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