I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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