: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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