i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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