Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
