Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
