My nipple is on Facebook.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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