Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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