Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Drunk is a universal language darling
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