So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
No stitches, just platelets and will power
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
