Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Fuck appropriateness.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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