What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.