My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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