and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
