I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
