Umm I'm too high to move.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
